Love in the Time of Corona: What Our Marriage Looks Like This Season

Okay, y’all. It’s about to get real on the blog this week.

March 13, 2020 was the official start of self-isolation for us. Days turned into weeks which turned into months of living pretty much 24/7 within earshot of each other. Days/Weeks/Months of eating lunch with the same person every day. Days/Weeks/Months of not having very little outside interaction.

So how are we holding up? Has our marriage survived coronavirus?

That’s what you’re going to be finding out today. Below you’ll find a few questions posed to each of us (Amanda and Jonathan) during the time of self-isolation. Enjoy getting the inside scoop of how we’re staying a couple in love during the COVID crisis. Nothing too deep. Something fun and light is what we all need sometimes.

What is the hardest part about being home with your spouse all day?

A: It’s not that hard, honestly, and I’ve gotten used to it. We have our own space, thankfully. Maybe something difficult is when one of us is recording something like a video for work and the other unintentionally makes noise.

J: It’s easy to think it’s the weekend when both are home all day, which can give you the feeling that you can slack with work. Also being able to eat together and talk can make lunch break a little longer than usual. But that’s not necessarily bad. If you are both in the same room working, it’s easy to get distracted cause my wife is the most attractive woman in the world. (A: awwe, thanks!)

What do you enjoy most about being home with your spouse all day?

A: It’s nice to be able to eat meals together or run something by him real quick. I also love that we can exercise and go outside together! Also fun? Blanket forts and hanging out on the deck with our work.

J: Living on the same schedule. Getting up and going to bed at the same time, and eating together! Also having a fresh, home cooked meal is pretty amazing! I am a lucky guy!

You know the game about being stranded on an isolated island, but this time you’re stranded in your house. Is there anything or anyone else you’d like to be stranded with currently?

A: If we had a piano, that would be great.

J: I’d like to be stranded somewhere else! If I can work from anymore, which it shows that I pretty much can, then why not have my ‘home office’ in Hawaii, Bali, or New Zealand?

In your view, how has your marriage changed (if at all) as a result of self-isolation?

A: I don’t think it has really changed. Maybe it’s gotten better because we have more time together to talk things out and get things done together. Now is the perfect time to get house projects completed, and we’ve managed to do several with minimal difference of personality issues that we’re famous for, haha!

J: Every day impacts your marriage. So, yes, COVID-19 has definitely affected our marriage. I feel it has become stronger. We are fighting together against this crazy virus: Exercising, eating more healthy, wiping things down with Clorox etc. A common enemy unites lol. Also being able to spend 24/7 with each other is a privilege in a way! I would be struggling if I was alone to be honest.

Have you learned anything new about your spouse lately?

A: Hmm. That’s tough. I recently found out that his nostalgia (and boy is he nostalgic!) goes as far as downloading an app on his iPhone that acts like playing snake on a Nokia. Thought that was cute. He’s also...really…loud and doesn’t realize he’s quite loud. Or maybe I’m just extra sensitive? Who knows.

J: That introverts are dealing much better with lock downs than extroverts!

What is a piece of advice you have for a couple during corona time?

A: Even though you spend the whole day together, it’s still important to set time aside to be a couple. Having a weekly date night where you don’t discuss work or the to-do list but focus instead on growing as a couple is really important to keep your relationship strong. It’s easy to fall into the trap of “oh, well we see each other all day, so we don’t need to do anything fun together.” It’s also okay and very healthy to take breaks from each other!

J: Stay healthy and encourage each other, don’t waste this special time you have been given, but do uplifting activities together. Go hike, sync your routines and enjoy yourself (while following the guidelines of the state and health authorities)! “Normality” will eventually come back and you will want some great memories from when you lived through the wild year of 2020!

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Are you at home with family? How has this season affected your relationships?

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What Happened When We Created a Phone-Free Zone

When I was studying abroad and learning German, I decided to make my dorm room an English-free zone. I even made signs and put them on my door and bulletin board, just in case my roommate was tempted to practice her English on me (she never was…).

While my German-speaking husband would love it if we had an English-Free zone in our house (hehe, I’m totally rusty), I somehow convinced him to instead make our bedroom a phone-free zone. It took quite a bit convincing, but we finally managed to do it. For one month, no phones of any sort were allowed to enter our bedroom-at all. And honestly, it was the best thing we could have done - especially since the month we chose was an extremely busy one (you’ll read why in a few paragraphs).

I thought that today I would share what happened during this experiment. At first, I was not sure what exactly to expect, but everything I experienced was extremely positive. Spoiler alert: I’d do it again!

Phone alarms could still be heard outside the door. The predominant argument that was brought up when I suggested a phone-free bedroom was that my husband uses his phone as an alarm clock. Now, alarm clocks are quite inexpensive and not hard to locate, but for whatever reason, we opt to use our phones instead. I’m more or less a minimalist - I get it - so I suggested just laying our phones outside the door. Guess what? We could still hear the alarms in the morning. Besides that, one was forced to physically get up if they wanted to hit the snooze button. Helped the waking-up process a tad anyway since you were that much closer to the bathroom. I actually use a silent alarm on my Fitbit because I wake up so early, so this was not a huge issue for me.

Pillow-talk replaced pre-bed scrolling. I suppose I should mention that on top of eliminating phones from our space, we also agreed to go to bed at roughly the same time (which was a real feat!). Instead of the usual [mostly mindless] scrolling and not talking to each other before praying together and drifting to sleep, we were actually able to talk and tell each other about our days. It was nice to connect in this way, as we are both extremely busy people. There would be weeks during the school year where we would go days without seeing each other or speaking much (the pastor-teacher combination is not really the most ideal at times). This really helped us to be grounded at the end of the day and to not waste any time.

Our space became special. Because we were not letting distractions from everywhere imaginable into our room, it almost seemed like a more special place. A place where the outside world could not get in. A place of refuge from the interruptions and the noise. I’ll add a note here that our phones were not allowed in at any time of the day, so it was always nice and still! I thought that I would miss listening to music or podcasts while sitting in bed, but I really didn’t. I had the rest of the day for that, so it was a nice way to wind down.

I started to read [print] again. Without the temptation of a phone on my bedside table, the pile of books I had been intending to read started getting shorter and shorter. I decided on a few that I was not interested in, and picked up some really great reads! I was able to actually re-house a few of them back in my bookshelf. I also felt kind of fancy reading or browsing magazines in bed. Am I the only one who feels fancy when doing this? Perhaps you shouldn’t answer that…

Honestly, after the month was up and phones came back into the bedroom, I was mostly disappointed. While I do try to be more intentional about not letting it take over, I do want to go back to making a phone-free zone again. It’s easy to fall back into the mindless scroll trap and lose time you will never ever get back.

All in all, it’s nice to set aside the device after using it all day. It’s a fantastic way to end each evening.

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I’d highly recommend this experiment to anyone! I’d love to hear how it goes for you!

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10 Ways To Love This Valentine's Day and Every Day

A lot of people (including me) like to refer to the commercialized Valentine's Day as, "Singles Awareness Day (SAD)". Of course, society has emphasized romantic relationships on February 14 every year, but who says only those in romantic relationships are the only ones who love? I know many people who are single, yet love with great fierceness. Part of this is that they ultimately love the Lord, and because of that love in them, it flows out to everyone. 

I recently came across some notes I had scratched on the topic, and I thought I would share them today in honor of Valentine's Day. It's hard to love others sometimes, but as we grow and become more like Jesus, it becomes natural. Here is some of the ways the Bible tells us to love.

1. Listen without Interrupting

 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
    he breaks out against all sound judgment.
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
    but only in expressing his opinion.
When wickedness comes, contempt comes also,
    and with dishonor comes disgrace.
The words of a man's mouth are deep waters;
    the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
It is not good to be partial to[a] the wicked
    or to deprive the righteous of justice.
A fool's lips walk into a fight,
    and his mouth invites a beating.
A fool's mouth is his ruin,
    and his lips are a snare to his soul.
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
    they go down into the inner parts of the body.
Whoever is slack in his work
    is a brother to him who destroys.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
    the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
A rich man's wealth is his strong city,
    and like a high wall in his imagination.
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty,
    but humility comes before honor.
If one gives an answer before he hears,
    it is his folly and shame.
A man's spirit will endure sickness,
    but a crushed spirit who can bear?
An intelligent heart acquires knowledge,
    and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.
A man's gift makes room for him
    and brings him before the great.
The one who states his case first seems right, 
    until the other comes and examines him.
The lot puts an end to quarrels
    and decides between powerful contenders.
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
    and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied;
    he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
    and those who love it will eat its fruits.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing
    and obtains favor from the Lord.
The poor use entreaties,
    but the rich answer roughly.
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18, ESV)

2. Speak without Accusing

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; (James 1:19, ESV)

3. Answer without Arguing

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
    but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. (Proverbs 15:18, ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29, ESV)

4. Promise without Forgetting

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12, ESV)

5. Trust without Wavering

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4: 18, ESV)

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain. (Proverbs 31:11, ESV)

6. Forgive without Punishing

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13, ESV)

7. Give without Sparing

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:6-7, ESV)

The getting of treasures by a lying tongue
   is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death (Proverbs 21:6, ESV)

8. Share without Pretending

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. (Romans 12:9, ESV)

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, (Ephesians 4:15, ESV)

9. Enjoy without Complaining

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, (Philippians 2:14, ESV)

10. Pray without Ceasing

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, (Colossians 1:9, ESV)

Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV)

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Of course, you should love others every day, not just Valentine's Day, but today is a great day to start!

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Two Years of Marriage & the Best Marriage Advice Ever Received

I can't believe it has been exactly two years since my husband and I officially tied the knot! It has been an exciting time, and I must say, I do love marriage. We have both learned and have grown so much, and I thought it would be fun to share what kind of marriage advice some of my blogging friends received when they got married.

Make each other a priority for the first year or so. Bible studies, volunteer opportunities, and other activities can wait. Build your foundation strong, and in Christ, and it will withstand everything that is to come!
- Abbey from Small Town Soul

Well.....here goes. "Argue naked." hat's the best light-hearted advice we were given. But a more serious piece of advice is evident in how my husband designed my engagement ring: the center diamond is as near perfect as he could get it and two smaller, imperfect diamonds on either side of the center one...to remind us that we were both two imperfect people held together by a perfect God.
- Heather from The Rescued Letters

The best advice (besides keeping God at the center, obviously) was that marrying someone with either the expectation they will change or the expectation they will never change will lead to unhappiness. We need to love someone through all the seasons of life. 
- Kate from Stumbling Toward Sainthood

I was told that when you are having a difficult conversation about something, remember to say words like "I feel..." instead of "you are ...." this keeps your spouse from feeling like you are just pointing fingers or placing blame.
- Morgan from My Pear Tree Home

My best marriage advice is: Go to bed angry! My Mema told me this and I rolled my eyes at her. But it was truly the best advice I ever received. Sometimes staying up and arguing or trying to talk through it makes us cranky, tired and miserable. Kiss good night, roll over and sleep on it. It's better to rest than speak as a fool. 
- Lauren from Bellows in the Berkshires

My best marriage advice is to make time for quality time! Go on a date, spend and hour really talking without distractions like your phone, TV or computer. Do a fun activity together! It can be hard to find time sometimes but it's so worth it! One hour a week of real meaningful quality time is really all it takes for a healthy thriving relationship. A worthy investment! 
- Lydia from The Evergreen Woods

 When we got married someone suggested that we keep track of how we spend every anniversary, even if it's a super simple date. Seems like something you'd remember but those little details fade fast. I love the idea of looking back after 20 years (or more) and reminiscing about each anniversary together. 
- Rebekah from The Tex-Mex Mom

Our best marriage advice was to have a weekly date night. It seems like it'd be impossible, but we made it through medical school & grad school, residency, and four years of my husband working in the ER while having two kids and only missed our weekly date a handful of times in 10 years of marriage. We had to get creative, but it has been incredibly fun and has kept us focused on each other, even when things were really challenging. 
- Angela from The Mango Memoirs

There will be days you don't like each other and days you'll argue over every single thing but there will also be the days that you can't imagine being anywhere else in your life and you'll fall in love all over again. Marriage is tough, especially in the beginning, but you can't let the tough days affect your every day. 
- Kristin from This Wife & Mommy Life

From Beth Moore in her Bible studies: We have a powerful influence over our man, but we must master timing. 
- Traci from Traces of Faith

Our pastor and his wife invited us to join their small group for newly married couples a month after we were married. The one piece of advice they gave that still stands out in my mind (almost 13 years later!) is to never use the phrases, "you always" and "you never", when arguing. It's alienating and rarely true.
- Crystal from Pennies and Playdough

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What's the best marriage/relationship advice you ever received?

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How to make Every Day Valentine’s Day

With Valentine’s Day over and boxed heart candy at 75% off, I have caught myself giving a little sigh. You see, I just love Valentine’s Day (VD). It’s something about the pink and hearts everywhere that makes it impossible for me to be mad at anyone, reminds me of how much I am loved (and love!) and allows me to embrace my inner “girl.” Though I’ve never done anything extra special on February 14, I have always thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere it provides.

When my husband and I first started dating, he made some remark about every day being Valentine’s Day with him. While he was saying it somewhat lightly, there was definitely truth to his statement. Why should a day (regardless of the history and background of it) predominantly celebrating love, be the only day we think about sharing with those we care about how much we love them? It just doesn’t seem right.

If you, like me, are feeling a little sad that the holiday has passed us by already, you can hold your chin up a little higher. Some of my blogging friends have helped me out with a fun project to share with all of you some great ideas to keep the VD feelings all year long!
 

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We can make every day "Valentine's Day" by performing little acts of kindness for the people around us that we love: our spouses, friends, neighbours, and families. We can serve them, meet their needs, and show them just how much we love them!
- Abbey of Small Town Soul

We can make every day Valentine's Day by remembering why we love in the first place and being intentional! I love Jim Elliot's quote - "Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." So in daily life, whether I'm spending time with someone or doing something, I strive to focus on them (instead of checking my phone, wondering what to say in response, going for efficiency over caring) and love them to the best of my ability, depending on God's grace to help me best love and serve them/perform the task at hand!
- Jessica of Duly Noted Ink

Have a quiet moment together like seeing the sunrise or sunset, viewing the ocean, sitting on a hill and embracing earth's natural beauty together or even sitting in front of a fireplace with some hot chocolate. Just being around each other is something wonderful.
- Martika of Coffee Time With Him

When our girls were 4 and 6 we started a new tradition for Valentine's Day. I set out 4 boxes, one for each family member. I had paper, pens, pink and white doilies, and lots of stickers available. Each person got to write out qualities they liked in each family member, things they appreciated, and favourite memories. It was to be a secret. On Valentine's we took turns reading them out loud. Because of their ages, they needed lots of coaching, memory jogging, and help writing/typing. They are 27 and 25 and we still do this, though sometimes it's through cards or texts throughout the day. It's really a skill I wanted to encourage--to find things we love about each other and what makes the other person feel loved.
- Terri from Terri Fullerton

I make every day Valentines Day by learning my hubby's love language and making sure I'm using it!
-Susannah from Simple Moments Stick

I'm such a weirdo but, I don't care much about Valentine's Day. It's sorta man-made and regimented. For years, I've told my husband to love me throughout the year and he can just go "light" on Valentine's Day. My love language is gifts so he sends flowers often, buys me things, surprises me with gifts all year. So I kinda feel like every day is Valentine's Day. Should he ever slack, then I might put more emphasis on that one day in February. 
- Teri of Godsy Girl

It's not something I do all the time, but every now and then I will make dinner for my kids (before an early bedtime) and then make dinner for my husband and myself after the kids go to bed. I'm also known for making treats and snacks for after the kids go to bed. Truffles anyone?
- Erin from Momma's Living Room

By writing little "love notes" filled with words of appreciation for our loved ones on a regular basis. You never know how much a kind note might mean to someone.
- Rachel from The Random Writings

We need to know how we are loved. I like to leave notes for my family that tell them I love you because . . . . your are brave, kind, considerate etc and then tell them how I saw that in them.
- Kim from Day to Day Adventures

My boyfriend texts me every morning "Good Morning Beautiful!" which puts a smile on my face and starts my day off right. 
- Pamela from Bible Geek Lifestyle

We can make every day Valentine's Day by constantly pushing ourselves to serve our spouse. Valentine's Day is great because we all seem to want to make our significant other happier. What if they had a hard day at work and it wasn't Valentine's Day? They probably need our love and support more at that time.
- Courtney from Happy Little Shopping Secret

I would say to make every day Valentine's day we could ask ourselves, "How can I make today a little bit brighter or easier for my spouse?" It could be by doing something simple or leaving them a little note or just taking an extra minute to tell them how much you love and appreciate them.
- Kaitlyn from Lily and Mama

We can make every day Valentine's day by having quick morning cuddles before starting the day! I love resting on my husband's chest and kissing him on the cheek with his arm around me! It's sweet and simple. Just a little way to say "I just woke up, and you're on my mind!"
- Elizabeth  from Wanderlust + Heart

From a relationship standpoint, I think making a conscious effort to do something nice for or compliment someone you care about can make each day Valentine's Day for you and that other person. From a personal standpoint, taking a few minutes each day to reflect on your life and give yourself a nice little pamper session, pep talk, or general treat can make each day Valentine's Day for you.
- Jessi from Roses in Ink

It might seem over simple ... But ... To make every day like Valentines, touch your spouse. A loving caress - a neck rub, a hand placed gently on a forearm, "footsie" under the table, a kiss on the cheek, etc. As husband and wife, we can be together all day and never touch. It happens all too easily - especially if we have children to nurture.
- Lori from Encourage Your Spouse

Meet your spouse's love language
- Audrey of Life with Little People

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How would you make every day Valentine's Day? Let me know in the comments below!

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